Take a Deep Breath

So we homeschool.  People who don't homeschool seemed intent on making me out to be some super-patient, super-organized, super-"fill in the blank" Mama.  My pat answer is to say that, yes, indeed, I do homeschool, but I don't ever claim to do it well.  And as for patience......well, if only they were a fly on my wall!

So today we homeschooled.  And I for sure won't claim that today went well.  I surely can't claim that anything about this year is going particularly well.

What is the deal?  What is wrong?  Why, oh why, does it seem so hard this year, as if I were just embarking on this adventure?  I flounder, I scramble, I fumble, I yell, I stagger, I search and search for things and papers.  And now I'm asking why.  And I'm trying to find my way out of this.

I recently talked about this very thing with a dear friend and homeschooling mentor who has graduated a child from her homeschool.  She understood and appropriately sympathized.  But she also told me not to lose sight of the bigger picture; she got me to see that it doesn't have to be perfect, that I just have to take this day-by-day, moment by moment.  And through this conversation I remembered something another friend said about HER homeschooling efforts:  she wanted to find the JOY again in what she did. 

So here's the deal:  I need to take a deep breath.....EVERY DAY.....every chance I get, really.  I need to smile more, and enjoy this path we have taken as a family.  I need to reflect on why I chose to respond to God's call to do this.  I need to remember that I do, indeed, WANT to do this.  This wasn't foisted upon me.  I open my arms to this task.  I embrace it, I cherish it.  I am this.

*Deep breath*