To panic or not to panic....

.....that is the question.

If you were to ask me on any given day how I felt about homeschooling my kids all the way through high school, I'd give you my answer.  But, beware.  If you ask me again on a different day, you'd probably get a different answer.  And if it was the day that I wasn't so sure about it, you might even get weepiness.  And a woman on the verge of an anxiety attack.  And hyperventilation.  And.....well, I'll stop being dramatic.  I think I've made my point.

It's true.  I'm kind of a spaz about this; kind of Jekyll and Hyde-ish about the subject.  I've flip-flopped on this so much.  And just recently I flip-flopped within one week.  And I don't think I'm done.  Not by a long shot.

A few years ago, as I contemplated my oldest in high school, I thought, no way, Jose!  I can't do that.  Then I went to the Midwest Homeschool Conference in Cincinnati, OH, when we were living in Columbus.  Fabulous!  If you ever have the chance to go, do it!  I promise you won't be disappointed.  I went to a workshop by Dr. Wile, of Apologia Science fame.  Again, fabulous!  I attended with a friend of mine, and we both left feeling refreshed, renewed, and firmly convicted that we, indeed, COULD do this.  And I really mean that.  It was an amazing feeling.  And I stayed that way for some time.

Now Sarah is in 7th grade, time to really start researching EVERYTHING high school.  And, boy oh boy, did I do a doozy on that conviction.  Well, I should say that Satan did a doozy on that conviction.  I really have felt attacked by Satan on this level.  He wants nothing more than to convince me I can't do this; that my kids would be better off in public school.  Then I wouldn't have as much opportunity to disciple them within our Christian faith. 

But then I had a great conversation with a friend of mine, really a wonderful mentor for me on these matters.  And actually her daughter participated, my friend's oldest who graduated from their homeschool a few years ago.  They encouraged me, they hugged me, they pooh-poohed my anxiety, but gently and with grace.  I felt uplifted and back in that place where I can scoff at Satan's attempts to derail my convictions.

Where am I now?  Well, we've had a bad couple of days, where I think I want them out of my hair, and wouldn't my stress level go way down, and wouldn't life be more convenient with them in school???  Yeah, it's been tough lately, but we also had a wonderful afternoon in front of a roaring fire because the temperature refused, simply refused, to climb into double digits.  We got to read a book that we have simply savored for the past few months.  Love it.  Let me repeat...love it.

So for now, I'm not panicking.  But reader beware.....who knows what my next blog will bring!